She’d been asked to send someone a list of everything she’d done over the past week.
Not just her work tasks.
Everything.
The appointments she’d attended. The emails she’d sent. The things she’d organised for her kids. The errands she’d run. The problems she’d solved. The decisions she’d made. The things she’d remembered so that nobody else had to.
She sat down and started writing.
And then she stopped.
She looked at the list and said:
“I actually had no more capacity to do anything else.”
What struck me was that she wasn’t complaining.
She was having a moment of clarity.
Because when we’re living our lives day-to-day, we often don’t see how much we’re carrying. We simply move from one task to the next, assuming we should somehow be able to fit more in.
More commitments. More projects. More volunteering. More exercise. More social events. More.
But when we actually see our week written down on paper, it’s often a very different story.
Mental load is bigger than we think
Research consistently shows that mental load and invisible work consume a huge amount of our time and energy, particularly for working parents and carers.
It’s not just the physical tasks that fill our days—it’s the constant remembering, planning, organising, anticipating, and decision-making.
The birthday gift that needs buying. The school form that needs signing. The doctor’s appointment that needs booking. The email you need to remember to send tomorrow.
These things all take up space in our minds, even if they never make it onto our to-do list. This mental load often goes unnoticed because it isn’t visible to anyone else, yet it requires significant energy and attention.
A simple mental load exercise to try
Take 15 minutes this week and write down everything you’ve done over the last seven days.
Everything.
Work tasks. Appointments. Household jobs. School activities. Life admin. Phone calls. Errands. The emotional support you’ve given others.
Then look at the list and ask yourself:
Am I expecting myself to do more than is realistically possible?
I suspect many of us would have the same realisation my client had today:
“No wonder I’m tired. No wonder I feel stretched. I genuinely didn’t have any more capacity left.”
Sometimes the answer isn’t better time management.
Sometimes the answer is recognising that you’re already carrying a full load. Recognising your mental load can be the first step towards setting realistic expectations and reducing unnecessary guilt.
And maybe, just maybe, giving yourself permission to stop feeling guilty for not doing more.
